Okay, here’s my blog post about “shite in nining armor”, written in the style of a seasoned blogger sharing their practical experience:
Alright, so “shite in nining armor”… sounds weird, right? It totally is. It’s basically pig Latin for “shining armor,” but I wanted to see if I could actually make something vaguely resembling armor using, well, poop. Don’t ask why. Sometimes you just get a dumb idea and gotta roll with it.
The Gathering
First, I needed, uh, material. I’ve got a couple of dogs, so that part wasn’t too hard. I used a pooper scooper, naturally, and collected a decent amount over a few days. I stored it in a bucket outside – my wife was thrilled, let me tell you.
Important: Ventilation is key here, folks. Trust me.
The Process (or, How I Didn’t Throw Up)
- Drying it Out: I spread the, ahem, “deposits” on a large tarp in the sun. This took a while, and the smell… yeah, the smell was something else. My neighbors probably thought I was insane. Maybe I am.
- Grinding it Up: Once it was all dried out – and I mean really dried out, like crumbly – I used a big mortar and pestle (that I’ll never use for food again, obviously) to grind it into a sort of… powder. It was gross, but I powered through.
- Mixing time!: looked up some old-timey building techniques. They used to mix stuff like straw and mud, some of them animal dung, to make bricks. So, figured I’d do something similar. I mixed the Poop-powder with some water, and added some regular dirt and straw for good measure. The consistency was… unique.
- Shaping time: At this stage I thought about what part of armor I can make with my limited skills, so, decided on a simple breastplate.I grabbed some cardboard and shaped the wet “mixture” over it, trying to make it as smooth and even as possible. It looked like a giant, misshapen mud pie.
- More Drying: Back to the sun! This time, I left it for several days, turning it occasionally to make sure it dried evenly. It actually started to harden up and hold its shape. It still smelled, though, just… different.
The “Armor”
So, after all that, did I have “shining armor”? Absolutely not. Did I have something that vaguely resembled a lumpy, brown breastplate made out of dried dog poop, dirt, and straw? Surprisingly, yes. It was brittle, it smelled faintly of the outdoors, and I wouldn’t trust it to stop a Nerf dart, let alone a sword. But it existed. I’d created… something.
Would I recommend this project? Only if you’re incredibly bored, have a strong stomach, and don’t mind being the weirdest person on your block. It was a messy, smelly, and ultimately pointless experiment, but hey, at least I can say I did it. And I learned a valuable lesson: some ideas are best left un-explored.